Alone but with friends
Every tree and bush here on our land and in town and on all the little winding roads of the Outer Cape are heavy with newminted leaves and many with flowers: it approaches paradise. Even the black locusts have finally leafed out. The silver maples in town look edible, as if I could pop the trees in my mouth and they would taste like green tea sherbert. Our huge peonies whose fragrance fills a room are in full fragrant bloom and so are the lilacs and many of the ornamental garlics – I adore the tall ones with their eight inch white or lavender or purple globes. Only the late daffodils are still blooming and the late tulips are opening. I am especially fond of lily flowered tulips called Ballerinas and have planted many along the driveway. Ira left at 6 a.m. on Wednesday to fly from Provincetown to Logan in Boston and hence to D.C. for a conference of people involved in community radio, people of many cultural communities. With my knee in such bad shape, it’s been a difficult week. I count the days till June 23rd when I have a confirmed date for my right replacement. I want to be more of a cyborg. I have implants in both eyes, a cyborg left knee and I crave a new right knee. So much that in normal times I would never think much about is now very difficult. it took me 45 minutes to sift the litter boxes. Making coffee in the morning is a half hour task. JUNE 23rd! JUNE 23rd! We actually had a thunderstorm Tuesday night. All the cats slept through it except for Xena, our biggest and youngest. She threw herself on top of me and shivered with fear. She is very affectionate but when she climbs on my chest, me lying down and her on top, it is rather like being under a small bear. My friends have been very helpful since my mobility is limited and every step hurts right now. Again last night I dreamed of walking again, this time in the dunes. It felt so real, I was disappointed when I woke. I have walked over so much of the Outer Cape. That walk in my dream was a very real one that I have taken many times, from a parking lot, across the bike trail over two dunes, past a wild cranberry bog, over another dune and then to the ocean. I ate lunch Wednesday with a friend; had supper out Thursday night with another, and Dale and Stephen took me out to supper last night on their anniversary. They’ve been together 31 years. Woody and I beat them, but not by much. Friends took me to get the mail, helped me carry boxes from the PO to a friend’s car, helped me get boxes into the house, took me to shop in town in midweek for things I needed like milk. Without all of them, I don’t know what I would have done. They made it all possible. Today Woody is to come home. I have not been able to do everything that is daily here, like take the trash to the dump. It’s hard for me to lift to carry anything while managing my cane. I am not used to being incapacitated. If I didn’t have great upper body strength from working in the garden and using weights, I’d be in much worse trouble. I want to regain full mobility so much I keep dreaming of it. My assistant Melenie got very bad food poisoning in NYC over Memorial weekend and hasn’t been able to work. I’m nervous about getting ready for my juried intensive poetry workshop. Over this week, I had a lot of time to work with Ira gone, so I finished reading and annotating all the poets’ manuscripts. I also started revising my new novel. Got through the first 4 chapters. So it hasn’t been a total loss and waste of time, but it hasn’t been fun except for the time I spent with friends. The cats were mad at me for the first days. First Efi went to the vet and never came back. Then Woody disappeared. Xena would go and cry outside his door. She insisted I open the door so she could check he wasn’t in there working at his computer or watching Netflix. They will be deliriously happen when things return to what passes for normal around here.